Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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