Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
