She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
