I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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