Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
