Me too!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
