"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
