roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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