Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
