My hand turned me down
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
