According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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