I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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