Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my liver is dry heaving
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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