my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
