remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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