textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
