why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
