so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
