You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
