the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
