I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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