I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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