I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
