The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
