She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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