you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
