Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
