I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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