i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
