Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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