He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
