please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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