She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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