omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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