We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
