what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
