apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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