we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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