Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We need to get me chipped asap
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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