Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
