she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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