You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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