On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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