also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we're so committed to being not committed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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