In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
