Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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