On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
