Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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