I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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