Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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