How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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